Your Cover's Blown
by 50ftQueenie
Summary: Maybe the only thing worse than taking a sock to the gut when you aren't expecting it is taking a sock to the gut with a moving car. The fourth installment in Kathy's "Every Mother's Son" series.
1. Chapter 1

SE Hinton owns The Outsiders, Kathy, and Tim. The title comes from a song by Belle and Sebastian. This one picks up immediately where "Katie Cruel" left off.

**Your Cover's Blown- One**

_Listen lady, put your phone down  
Cancel all operations  
Tell your friends to cool it  
Your cover's blown, I need to see you alone  
Cancel all operations  
Tell your friends to cool it_

Maybe the only thing worse than taking a sock to the gut when you aren't expecting it is taking a sock to the gut with a moving car.

I wasn't focused on where I was running; I was just running. I reached the mouth of the alley just as the car turned in. It wasn't going fast, but there wasn't time to stop. I hit the hood and slid across and on to the ground on the passenger side. The door flew open. Deputy Ayers didn't even ask if I was alright.

"Get in," he ordered as he jumped out. "Get in and keep down. Is he in your house?"

I nodded. I had no breath to answer him. He stepped over me- gun drawn- and left the car door open.

"Get in, Kathy. If you hear shots and I don't come back, go after the cops. They should be on their way…"

His voice trailed off out of my earshot. I crawled onto my knees and then into the front seat of the car. I lay there for a moment until I caught my breath and then pulled myself into the passenger seat. The cb radio crackled and hissed. I waited and listened for gunshots. They never came. Footsteps on gravel came first.

I sunk down against the seat when I saw Carter coming from my back yard. I didn't sit back up even when I saw Ayers behind him, shoving him. I could see that Carter was handcuffed and that he wasn't putting up a fight. I guessed that Ayers had a gun in his back.

When they got close enough to the car and Ayers opened the rear passenger door, I opened my door and scooted out.

"I ain't staying in a car with him," I said.

I heard Carter snort.

"You're not staying in the car with him," Ayers told me. "Run back to the house and get something warm on. I still need you. The cops will come and pick him up. I need you to tell me about the kidnapping."

I looked back up at Carter. He cocked an eyebrow- suspicious- like he didn't remember there being any so-called kidnapping. I looked back at Ayers.

"Look," Ayers said. "I know there wasn't any murder. I don't know where Katrina's got herself hid, but I know she's breathing. I need you to testify that he kidnapped you or I have to let him walk right now."

I nodded.

"He's going to lock-up?" I asked, already backing away towards the house. "You have to see that he's kept away from Tim and all them."

Ayers grinned at the ground and then winked at me. "Tim and company are magically being released as we speak. Carter's going to be a lonely boy tonight."

* * *

I went back inside through the back door of my house. I walked through to the front- where Carter had entered- and closed it. He'd overturned a couple of chairs in the kitchen. I set them up again. I stood for a moment and looked around for any other damage. There didn't seem to be any. I felt around my neck for Katrina's necklace, and it was still there.

I didn't know what to do with it now. If Ayers knew that Katrina was alive, then it implicated my brother as much as it did Carter.

I went to my room and took the necklace off. I stuffed it back between the mattress and box spring. Then I got myself a pair of tights from my dresser. I sat down on the bed. My knees were scratched and bleeding. There were pieces of gravel stuck in the skin. I sighed, picked up my tights again, and went to the bathroom.

While I was washing off my scraped knees, a knock came at the back door. It startled me, but I figured already that it was Ayers. The people I didn't want coming in seemed to just come in on their own. The good guys knocked.

I guessed right. He was waiting at the back door. I opened it and walked back to the bathroom without any kind of exchange. He shut the door and followed me around the corner.

"Sorry about that," he said, nodding as I sat back down on the edge of the tub and took up the washcloth again.

"I wasn't looking," I replied.

"It's understandable. It takes training- to think and run like that. You did good."

I sighed and set the washcloth down.

"I did shit," I told him. "I got myself kidnapped."

"You got yourself home," he offered.

"Some guy rode in on a white horse and saved me, and then I came home and almost got kidnapped- or killed- again. And then you came."

"And almost ran you over with my white horse. You're still here. Shepard's fine. Janine's fine. Katrina's apparently fine somewhere…" His voice trailed off without finishing the list.

"Cal's fine," I said. "Will you take me to him?"

Ayers rolled his eyes.

"You know we take bets in the office- which ones will make it in witness protection? You'd better believe I laid my money down in favor of your brother. That hard-headed son of a bitch…I figured he'd be able to walk away from everything and never look back."

I smiled. I couldn't help it.

"He's an idiot," Ayers said.

"He saved my ass."

"He's got to stay under his rock for a while. Until I'm good and confident that Carter's gone for good. I can tell him, though…that you say 'hi' or something."

I nodded, and put the wash cloth down.

"Tell him I said 'hi'."

I picked up my tights off the floor. Ayers backed out of the bathroom and shut the door. The phone rang in the hall, and Ayers shouted to me, "I'm answering this".

I could hear his footsteps and then his voice, muffled. I hiked up my tights and straightened my skirt. I picked up the washcloth again and gave my face a once-over. I paused to look myself over, and wondered at how I never looked in the mirror how I imagined myself looking to other people. I imagined myself older, thinner, more put-together like I had "a look". All I saw in the mirror was a little girl playing with make-up and not quite fitting into her tits. Eight months of living in the company of hustlers, bookies, and United States Marshals hadn't changed that.

I stepped out of the bathroom and started a little to see Ayers standing right there again.

"That was your dad," he said. "Do you have an Uncle Andy or is that code for something?"

"I have an Uncle Andy," I told him.

"Well, that's where you dad is- at your Uncle Andy's playing cards."

"So, he's alright?" I meant Andy. Ayers probably thought I was talking about my dad. His answer sufficed for both.

"Yeah, he's fine. Going to read you the riot act when he gets home. I'll try to prolong your questioning downtown as long as I can."

I shook my head and smiled up at him. I tapped the letter from Tulsa Tech sitting on the table.

"He's going to see this first," I said. "I'm going to be a college girl."

"Well, thank God for that 'cause you damned-sure aren't a criminal," Ayers said.

I rolled my eyes at him. He picked my coat up off of the chair and handed it to me. I put it on and followed him out to his car, and we drove downtown to the police station.

* * *

Just as Ayers had promised, Tim Shepard and the rest of his gang were being released just as we reached the police station. There were five or six of them, huddled around the corner out of the wind, lighting cigarettes. I spotted Julian. No sign of Curly.

"Got a live one there, Marshal. Don't turn your back on her," Tim said.

I gave him the finger.

"See how she is?" He cackled past his cigarette.

"Tim," Ayers said, "do you live at the police station?"

"Well, some would say…"

"I thought I told you to go home. All of you."

I smirked. Now that he'd been told to do it in front of his whole gang, Tim was probably never going to go home again.

"Only the good things, Reilly," Tim said as he walked past me and clapped me on the shoulder. "Just tell him the good stuff about me."

"What good stuff?"

Julian winked as he walked past, following Tim.

"You know…that one time," he said.

Ayers stopped on the station house steps and frowned at Julian.

He asked, "Which one are you again?"

I could've told Ayers that Julian was my knight in shining armor from earlier in the day, but something stopped me. If Ayers didn't know Julian already then it was because he hadn't made himself known, and Tim hadn't given him up. I let Julian make the move.

He shrugged and said to Ayers, "I'm nobody, Marshal. I'm just on my way home."


	2. Chapter 2

SE Hinton owns it.

**Your Cover's Blown- Two**

Looking back, I don't know how any of those boys fumbled their way through life after living the way they did as kids. A lot of them didn't make it: the ones who went to 'Nam blew apart upon their return. The ones who went to the pen often found they liked it there.

Logic says that if you grow up rough, you should be tough enough to take anything life throws at you, but that's not how it works. Guys like the ones I grew up with went overseas and down to McAlister screwed up already. They didn't stand a chance once they got there.

I didn't know that back then. I thought it's because I was weak that I was so scared standing alone on the steps of the police station when I knew damned-well everything I had to fear was locked up behind me. The scratching sound of a newspaper blowing across the sidewalk made my heart stop for a second. I inhaled the scent of the oil fires blowing in from the edge of town, and my mind told me it was the smell of the spent rounds back at Buck's.

I stood frozen on the steps. I couldn't quite remember my way home.

Again, a noise made me start. Around the corner of the building- the sound of a lighter clicking open and shut. I took a step back up the stairs.

"I'd give you a ride, but that car we stole is way the hell over across town."

It was Julian. He hadn't gone home as he'd promised Ayers. I don't know if he'd waited by the side of the station house the whole time I was being questioned or if he'd been watching from someplace warm until I appeared. He offered me his cigarette.

"I can walk you to the bus," he offered.

I nodded and took the cigarette. I walked down the stairs to his side. We started towards the bus stop down the block.

"How'd that go?" He asked.

"I don't know," I said. "It didn't feel like I was telling them anything they didn't already know."

They already had Carter for kidnapping Janine. Now they had him for kidnapping me as well. I felt like I'd been used at bait- like they waited for me to draw him out. Except that when I did, the Marshals weren't there, not the first time anyway.

"Yeah, I wouldn't waste my breath waiting around on them," Julian said.

"I guess Tim doesn't either. Or did Curly call you and tell you to come after me?"

"Tim called me," Julian said. He took the cigarette back, took a final drag on it, and tossed it away, all the time avoiding my eyes. I might have never noticed it- the purpose with which he was avoiding looking at me- if I hadn't been able to hardly keep my eyes off of him.

"No, he didn't," I said.

Julian's mouth turned up in a little grin. "No, he didn't."

"It wasn't an accident. You weren't just happening by the church at ten o'clock."

"I might've been. I said it's my ma's church. Your bus is coming."

I could hear it coming around the block. I stopped at looked up at Julian. He jerked his head towards the bus stop.

"You'd better get on home."

"Hell, no," I said. "How'd you know? Who told you?"

"Maybe I'm a spy," he said and winked. "Get on the bus, doll. I tell you what- you come out with me tomorrow night. You and me take a ride, and I'll tell you all about it."

I raised my eyebrows. "In who's car?"

"It'll be a surprise." He nodded towards the bus again. It stopped behind me and the door opened.

I opened my purse to look for change. Julian reached in his pocket and beat me to the punch. He handed me a dime and a nickel. He nodded towards my purse.

"Bring that, too," he said. "We run out of things to talk about, we can always go make a couple of collections and have a drink or two on Buck."

I snapped my purse shut and hid Buck's bet book from view. I thanked him for the fare and got on the bus.

"Seven," Julian said to me before the doors shut behind me.

I went for the first empty seat by the window so that I could see which way he went as the bus drove away. By the time I sat down, though, he had already disappeared.

* * *

The bus let me off a couple of blocks from my house. I forced my mind off of Julian, and tried to focus on what was coming from my dad.

I figured he had it coming from me just as bad. He'd known Cal was alive, and he'd lied to me about it. He'd told me he was going to identify a body. He'd let me help him throw together a funeral for an empty casket. I wanted to hit the front porch full of fury, but there were tears in my eyes instead.

I opened the front door and slipped off my shoes in silence. I could see the light on in the kitchen. I heard a chair scrape against the floor.

I went as far as the end of the hall and leaned against the doorframe. My father looked up from his sandwich.

"Hell of a day, wasn't it, Kit-Kat?"

He reached across the table and tapped to invite me to sit down.

"You tell me," I said, staying put. "How long you been playing cards with Uncle Andy?"

He laughed at that. "I been playing cards with Andy- and your mother when she was around- since I was younger than you. During the Depression, we used to play for pinches of snoose 'cause cigarettes was too rich. I always liked Andy. He's been more faithful to me than your mama."

He looked down at his hands then and back up at me.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't talk about your mother like that. Sit down."

"Don't mean nothing to me," I said. "How's about we talk about Calvin?"

Something flared in his eyes just then. Maybe it annoyed him that I'd twice refused his offer of a chair.

"Is that how you're talking to your old man, Kathleen? That's what you're learning from this new pack of friends you found yourself? You know, I never did think much of that Mathews boy, but maybe I should have. You never talked back to me when you were fooling around with him."

I walked past my father to the refrigerator. I hadn't eaten all day. I was finally safe enough to feel hungry.

"We're not talking about Two-Bit, Daddy. We're done talking about Two-Bit. I want to talk about Calvin. Everyone knew but me."

"The right people didn't know. I thought it would keep you safe, maybe keep you under wraps for a while. You got a funny way of mourning, my girl."

I buttered a slice of bread.

"I was trying to work…"

"With the same class of people Calvin had to get himself hid from. He took it harder than you- your mom's taking off. I guess it didn't surprise me that he went the way he did. Not that I ain't responsible in some way, but…Jesus Christ, Kathy, one minute I'm talking to a US Marshall on the phone, and the next I'm reading this here letter says you got into college. How are you both of those people? I don't think you can be. You got to choose one or the other. Whatever you go looking for, it'll come looking for you- trouble or otherwise."

My father had been saying that to me- to us- since I was old enough to listen: whatever you're looking for, it's looking for you. You go out into the world seeking guns, and girls, and dirty money, it'll find its way to you. I guess I had proved him right.

I was too hungry to bother with making a sandwich. I leaned against the counter and ate my buttered bread.

"Day after tomorrow, I'm back on the road," my father said. "Marshal's going to check on you. You stop by and visit with your uncle, too- and not to shake him down anymore. You should be ashamed of yourself. You stop by his place and take him some dinner. Maybe he'll tell you a cautionary tale or two of your mother. And this…"

He tapped the acceptance letter to Tulsa Tech.

"You make this happen, Kit-Kat. Give me something to be proud of."

In spite of myself- still being mad at him- I mumbled a "yes, sir".

My father snorted to himself and went back to his sandwich. I poured myself a glass of milk and took it to my room. I snuck a look back at my father. He had taken up the letter from Tech again and was rereading it and smiling.

I drank my glass of milk. Out of habit more than anything, I checked between the mattresses for Katrina's necklace. It was still there. I thought about moving it to another hiding spot, but then figured it didn't matter. I changed into my pajamas and sat down on my bed with a notebook and the bottle of Scotch I'd filched for me and Tim what seemed like forever ago.


	3. Chapter 3

SE Hinton owns Kathy and The Outsiders.

**Your Cover's Blown- Three**

I spent the next day with my dad since he'd be leaving before I got up the following morning. We did stuff that needed one around the house- he put new knobs and locks on both doors and I took his truck downtown to get keys made. I got three sets in hopes, I guess, that someday Cal would turn up and need one.

My dad and I didn't say much to each other. It took everything I had not to break down and beg him to tell me where Cal was. And yet, I didn't want to give him the satisfaction. Cal had called me once. He might call again if I left it alone.

I made my father dinner and cleaned up the kitchen while he ate.

"You ain't eating?" He asked me.

"Got a date."

"Two-Bit?"

I shook my head. "New guy."

"What kind of new guy?"

I stopped myself before I said _I don't know, Daddy, he's new_, remembering what my father had said about my mouthing off.

"Catholic boy," I said instead.

My father made a noise in his throat. I opted to ignore it.

I didn't even call him when Julian knocked on the door at seven. He would have had plenty of time to give Julian the fatherly once-over since Julian showed up for our date without a car. He said some friends of his would be around to pick us up. I suggested we wait on the porch.

We sat down on the steps. He apologized for not being able to drive us, but I told him that it didn't matter. It was better than him showing up in something stolen.

"Gives us some time," I told him. "You promised me a story. Non-fiction, I hope. If Tim didn't call you when Carter took me and Curly didn't call you, who did?"

Julian shifted on the step next to me. I'd made him uncomfortable. Maybe he was hoping I'd let him off the hook.

"Tim called me, in a manner of speaking. Curly called Tim, Tim called the Marshal, and the Marshal called me."

"The Marshal called you?" I was incredulous. "The Marshal calls on you when he's got girls need saving from kidnappers."

"The Marshal calls me when he needs someone who knows the lay of the land," Julian said. "And when he ain't altogether confident that things are going to land in his favor."

I said nothing. The more I heard- from Julian, Tim, Marshal Ayers and even my father- the more I felt myself wanting to put my fist through a wall. Ayers wasn't sure that the stand-off with Carter was going to go in his favor? So he sent one of Tim's hoods?

Julian continued without further prodding: "I got myself in some trouble, big trouble, after I turned eighteen. My probation guy cut me a deal- if I didn't want to go to Vietnam- I could help them out around here. He knew I knew who Carter is and what he was up to, and he knew I had a personal interest."

"Which is?"

"Katrina Lloyd…Lloyd's her dad's name. Rice is our ma's name. I go by our ma's name. We don't never see Trina's dad around, so we must've both put our ma down on paper with the cops. They made the connection and offered me a 'get outta Nam free' card if I kept them abreast of things."

"Does Tim know?"

"Yeah. It gets a little tricky there, sometimes. Trickier the last couple of days."

He smoked in silence for a minute or two and I sat and watched him. Maybe I should've been mad that Julian's coming to my rescue was self-serving, but I wasn't. I felt terrible. He was expendable to Ayers and the police. All he wanted was to keep out of the Army and find his sister. Thanks to his deal, he was still in the line of fire and his sister's whereabouts a mystery.

"You pissed?" He asked me as though he expected me to get up and walk back into the house without him.

"No," I said. "You should be pissed at me. You had to come after me. And it's my brother who helped Carter get away with…with your sister."

He shook his head. "That ain't your fault. Your brother does what he wants. I known him long before I ever known of you. I'm familiar with how your brother operates."

I didn't know what that meant, but it made me ask, "So what was the bigger trouble you got into?"

Julian smirked and cocked his eyebrow, but didn't turn his head away from the street to look at me.

"Put the heat on a couple of guys for Merril. It would seem the ill-gotten gains from gambling are- in some way- federal. Maybe it was an out of state race. I don't know. I do know I got back to my car one day and there was Marshals waiting for me. Let that be a lesson for you."

"Too late," I said.

Julian chuckled. "Shit, he up and gave my job to a girl."

"Yeah, and I have yet to be arrested for it, don't I?"

"Guess he picked the right girl, didn't he?"

Headlights from a car turning on to my block swept across us. Julian stretched. He fished a cigarette out of his front shirt pocket and tucked it behind his ear. Then he stood up and held his hand out to me.

"Not quite a horse and carriage, but it'll get us where we need to go," he said.

We met the car at the curb. I crawled into the backseat of a packed and smoke-filled GTO and wedged myself on to Julian's lap. He rested one arm over my shoulder- there was really no way for him not to.

"Ain't you Two-Bit's girl?" The driver called back to me.

"What do you wanna bet, Kenny?" Julian answered for me.

"Just asking, man. You itching for an altercation this evening?"

Julian shrugged, even though the driver couldn't see him do it.

"I'm just guessing," Kenny went on, "he's going to be where we're going. Him and you part on good terms, girl?"

"Good as can be expected," I said. I looked down at my lap and then back up at Julian. He raised his eyebrows at me.

"We don't have to…" I began.

Again, he shrugged. "We're reasonable people, ain't we?"

"Maybe you are. I don't know about Two-Bit. It depends on how lit he is."

"It's early yet."

"Not for Two-Bit," I said.

The girl sitting next to Julian in the center of the seat asked, "You're Kathy, right?"

I nodded. Her eyes widened and she turned to her boyfriend.

"She's the one, Tony. She got tossed out of school for writing something pornographic. She's totally cool."

"I knew there was reason I liked you," Julian said.

I frowned and insisted, "It wasn't pornographic."

It seemed like a million years ago. It was something I wrote crushing all over Tim Shepard. I didn't feel like that girl anymore. My Tim Shepard bubble had been burst, and I hadn't written anything in weeks.

The car lurched forward as Kenny hit the gas. My body fell back against Julian. He didn't strike me as a person who did anything without careful planning, so his reaction- wrapping both arms around me and squeezing me in a tight bear hug- seemed strangely spontaneous. He dug his chin into my shoulder and looked up at me with curious eyes, as though he was asking, "is this alright?" I smiled at him and rubbed my nose against his. Satisfied that we were alright, he raised his head and kissed me.

The girl in the middle of the seat clicked her tongue- I don't know if in disgust or annoyance or jealousy- and snuggled closer to the guy on the other side.

By the time we reached our destination, a hole-in-the-wall drinking joint about on the level of Buck's, I was light-headed and giddy. I stopped short of the door, though, and looked at Julian.

"If he's in there, you look him over, and then you tell me," Julian said. "We're big kids. We can all have a drink in the same room, can't we?"

I wasn't so sure, but I nodded anyway. Julian opened the door. The other occupants of the car went inside and I followed them. Julian followed me. The air was thick and the music was loud. Still, I could separate Two-Bit's laugh from the crowd like the call of some kind of exotic monkey. I decided to trust Julian and stepped forward anyway.

He laid a hand on my shoulder and guided me towards a table where Kenny and I girl I recognized from Benny's and Buck's were sitting. She already appeared irritated with Kenny. Maybe it was because he'd come in the door with a different girl.

I took a beer when Julian handed it to me and turned to look around the bar. Two-Bit saw me looking and waved me over. I shook my head. He waved more insistently. I gave him the finger. I might as well have sent up a flare. Later on, I would wonder if what happened next was somehow my fault, although- knowing Two-Bit- he would have done the same thing if I had tried to fend him off with a .410 or ignored him completely.

He set his drink down on the bar, gave the girl he was with a pat on the ass, and began to saunter his way toward us through the crowd. The grin on his face about lit the dance floor.

"We need to go," I said to Julian. "I know that look. He's not going to be able to leave this alone."

Julian said nothing. He stood up as Two-Bit came towards us. This seemed to amuse Two-Bit. He wiped his hand across his mouth in an attempt to hide his smirk- or draw even more attention to it- and peered around Julian to look at me.

"Hey, Kathy, just wanted to check…you and your buddies ain't going to tear up this place like you did Buck's. I'm running out of places to…"

I opened my mouth to tell him that it was Carter's buddies and not mine who blew Buck's to hell, but Julian's fist came down first. A nice upper-cut to Two-Bit's jaw that neither of us saw coming. Two-Bit fell backwards into another table. Drinks spilled. Girls screamed. I felt my stomach drop. I knew where this was headed.

"Shit," I said to no one in particular.

"Don't worry, doll," Julian said. "I think I made my point."

"I wasn't worried _until_ you started making points. Christ." I could hear myself swearing. It's not like I wanted to run to Two-Bit and start mothering all over him, but I didn't exactly enjoy seeing him get hit either. I didn't enjoy seeing anyone get hit.

I also knew better than to think that one hit was going to shut Two-Bit up. If he wasn't unconscious or dead, he was going to keep right on talking. I was right about that.

He laughed from his spot on the floor and slid himself out from under the table.

"Lordy, you didn't let me finish, man. Wasn't talking to you anyway. Unless your name is also Kathy, which- if recollection serves- it ain't. Let's try this again."

Two-Bit stood up, lip split and grinning. He made a show of dusting off his ass and took another step forward.

"Two-Bit, just…" I said, but Julian cut me off.

"Don't worry about it, baby."

"I ain't worried," I snapped. "I'm trying to talk here."

Julian held his hands up in surrender and stepped back. I tried again.

"Two-Bit, there's a lonely girl over there. Why don't you go back to her?"

Two-Bit craned his head to look and then turned back to me.

"Who? Her? I have no idea who that is."

It hurt to suppress my smile. The girl he'd just slapped on the behind- of course he had no idea who she was.

"Well, she looks lonely," I said. "Why don't you go ask her name? See if she wants some company?"

He shrugged. "She ain't half-bad, I guess. Might have to take you up on that. Can I have a word first?"

I rolled my eyes. There was never just "a word"- singular- where Two-Bit was concerned. Against my better judgment, I patted Julian on the arm and told him I'd be right back. As I walked away, I know I heard Kenny say something along the lines of "you going to let that happen, man". I didn't hear Julian's reply.

I followed Two-Bit into the hall that led to the restrooms.

He grinned and backed me into a corner next to the payphone.

"You didn't waste any time, did you?" He said.

"Well, I ain't smacking strangers on the ass in a bar, so I still have a ways to go before I catch up to you."

He liked that. He dropped his head, nodding and laughing.

"You know who that guy is, right?"

I figured, after my conversation with Julian on the porch, that I did. I decided to play with Two-Bit anyway, and recall an older conversation between him and me:

"He's Catholic. I remember you telling me all about them, yes."

"And that, princess, is the least of your concerns. He's Katrina's brother- did you know that?"

"Yep."

"And did you know that he's a snitch?"

"We're not in prison, Two-Bit. I don't think that's the word the incarcerated use. Is that all you got?"

He winked at me. "Baby, I could go all night."

"I'm sure, but it will have to be with a girl who gives a damn. If you'll excuse me…"

I pushed myself away from the wall and tried to step around him. He moved in front of me again.

"Kathy," he said. "I don't know what to tell you other than 'don't'. Just don't. It ain't like he's such a bad guy…as Shepard's guys go, but…baby, he's like a walking target. He's a marked man."

"I'm not a baby, Two-Bit," I said. "And I'm not _your_ baby anymore. Go give it a whirl with that girl at the bar."

I walked away before he could reply. I went back across the bar and slid up next to Julian. I wrapped my arms around his waist and stayed put like that. He draped an arm across my back. He didn't say a word to me for quite some time, but he took care to blow his cigarette smoke up and away from me. I never looked back to see if Two-Bit was watching or if he'd tried to make it happen with the other girl.


	4. Chapter 4

SE Hinton owns The Outsiders and Kathy.

**Your Cover's Blown**

Four-

"I feel like I should warn you," I said to Julian. "I think I'm always going to be friends with him."

We were walking hand-in-hand, a little buzzed, away from the lights of downtown and towards his little brother and sister's grade school.

"I suppose that should bother me, but I get the sense you know how to navigate it. If you ever met my sister, man- my older sister, you'd know I'm acquainted with girls who think and do what they please." He smiled into the distance when he said it, like he was recalling some specific incident. The smile stayed on his lips, but his eyes grew sad, and he whispered, "Holy shit…"

I wanted to ask him a million questions about Katrina, but I kept quiet. I didn't know how to broach the subject of _so how did your sister become a prostitute?_ so I let it be. We walked until we got to the playground and sat down on the swings.

"Want me to push you?" He asked, grinning.

"I'm alright. I don't want to go too high. I think I've had enough to drink."

"Well, if you want anything more," he offered and tapped his chest, indicating he had either a flask or a fifth in his inside jacket pocket.

I pushed back and let myself go. Even a slow swing was enough. The air felt good on my face though, so I pumped my legs a little and kept going. I was aware of Julian lighting another cigarette. He didn't swing himself. Instead he started to turn himself in a circle, twisting the chain in front of him. He let go and spun himself back around again.

I was drunk- I knew it then, because I could barely keep myself from hoping off of my swing and into his lap. His child-like maneuver had me head-over-heels ready to throw caution to the wind. Then he had to go and open his mouth:

"I guess I should warn you, then, Kathy," He said. "When I find your brother, I'm going to kill him."

I quit pumping my legs and let the swing slow down. When I was nearly still beside him, I asked, "So, are you using me to find him? Is that what this is about?"

He shook his head.

"No, ma'am. I wasn't counting on you. That's why I thought you should know. I figured I ought to tell you now, that it'd be the right thing to do. That and I'm a little buzzed."

He looked at me sheepishly, and then he squeezed his eyes open and shut.

"Fuck, I'm feelin' it," he said.

"Yeah, no shit," I grumbled. "I'm starting to get that sinking feeling…"

He meant something different when he interrupted me: "Yeah, me too. Baby, can you stand up?"

I hadn't thought to try. When I planted my feet on the ground, they seemed to sink into the sand. I knew if I tried to stand, I was going to fall.

"I don't think so," I told him. "What about you?"

Julian shook his head, but tried to stand anyway. He had to cling to the chains of the swing to do it. He seemed a hundred times more drunk than he'd been moments before.

"There's a shed," he said, nodding across the playground. "They keep the mower and the bags of sand…can you get all the way over there? Christ, I'm gonna be sick. Can you get there? Get over there and stay put. Crawl if you got to…"

"What's going on?" I asked him. I tried to stand but my ankles gave way. My head felt like it weighed a ton.

"I don't know which one of them done it, but we'll find out soon enough. They're coming for us. They must be nearby. Just go. I'll tell 'em I pissed you off and you left me. Probably the truth anyway, ain't it?"

I blinked hard just like Julian had. My vision was blurry. I could see him looking at me, his eyes hopeful. I think he wanted me to tell him that I wasn't pissed, that I understood why he felt the need to kill my brother. If I'd wanted to, though, I couldn't have said a word. I couldn't put a sentence together in my head at that point, let alone spit it out or run for the groundkeeper's shed.

I felt my knees buckle and the swing chain slipping from my fingers. I hit the sand and slipped into darkness. I felt a thud as Julian passed out and landed next to me.

* * *

First I became aware of the humming of an engine and the radio. Roy Orbison was singing "Domino", a song I hadn't heard in forever. I was in the back seat of an unfamiliar car. The windows were rolled up and outside it was raining. The smell of cigarette smoke was strong, but there was no sign of Julian.

I tried to shift in the seat without drawing the driver's attention. There was no one in the front passenger seat. It was just me and him. I knew the back of his head, the thick hair oiled into place, and I knew his ears. I knew everything I needed to.

"Calvin?"

"Rise and shine, Kit-Kat."

I squeaked- I couldn't help myself. I was up in an instant and climbing over the seat into the front. I bumped him and the car swerved. He caught it, though, and straightened us out. He wrapped his right arm around my neck and kissed the top of my head.

"What the hell…?" Was all I could think of to say.

"I kind of suck at Witness Protection," he said. "Like I do with everything else."

I closed my eyes and squeezed his hand. Calvin was all bravado and swagger in front of his buddies and his enemies- a thousand times more so when incarcerated- but with me, on the outside, he was always self-deprecating. He knew what people said about him, and we both knew a lot of it was true.

"I just…hell, when that Marshal said Rice's name, I just don't trust that guy. I get that he has it in for me, and he probably should, but then it dawned on me that he'd take an interest in you. Sorry about the drugs. That was Janine's idea. I guess she's good enough at it by now, but I'm sorry anyway."

I sat back in the passenger seat. I didn't recognize the landscape flying by outside the car. It was early morning, and the sun was rising ahead of us. We were heading east- I assumed into Arkansas.

"Where's Julian?" I asked Calvin.

"Don't worry about it."

"Christ, Calvin, if I've learned anything in the past year, it's to worry about it whenever someone tells me not to. Is he in the trunk?"

"How about this- mind your own business."

"It _is_ my business, Cal. He was my date."

"And now he ain't. Date's over."

"Clearly. What time is it?"

He reached forward and tapped the dashboard clock. It read four-thirty. I went back to grilling him.

"So, where's Julian again?"

He answered me, "You hungry, kid? Jeannie said you might wake up hungry."

"I'm okay, Calvin. Where is he?"

"Check it out," he said, pointing ahead. "State line."

He tapped the horn like the truckers do as we crossed over into Arkansas. I crossed my arms over my chest and frowned. I felt sick all of the sudden. Calvin was terrible liar and even worse at evading. He'd been arrested once for evading. In fact, I think it was tacked on to every charged he'd ever incurred. Been evasive was not in his skill set.

"Did you kill him?" I asked.

"Who?"

"Son of a bitch, my date! Did you kill Julian?"

Calvin sighed. "He's in the trunk, Kit-Kat."

"Alive?"

"Probably."

I remained silent for a moment, and then asked, "Can we stop and check?"

Calvin grumbled something under this breath. He rolled his window down a pinch and tossed out his cigarette. He squirmed a little when he asked me:

"You bangin' him now, or what?"

"No, not that it would be any of your-"

"Because I know that tends to muddy the waters. I mean, I'd like to think that if you knew a guy intended to do me harm that you'd be seeing things from my side of the fence. If you were sleeping with him, though, it might make it more difficult for you to see things clearly."

"I just got my own side of the fence, that's all," I said.

"He say he was going to kill me?" Calvin asked.

I shrugged.

"Well, the tables have turned. I thought I'd at least bring him along for the ride. He can see his sister one more time before we take care of it."

"I don't want you to kill him, Cal."

"Why not? You head-over-heels in love with him?"

I shook my head. "No. I barely know him. He's just a guy who's cute. No, I just want this to stop. I'm going to go to college, you know."

"Good for you. I always figured."

"If you kill him, ain't I party to it? Like a witness?"

"I ain't going to make you watch. What do you think I am?"

"But I'd know, right? An accessory- doesn't that make me an accessory? If it came back to you, it could come back to me. Two-Bit saw us together last night, and a bunch of Julian's friends."

Cal grinned. "Two-Bit did? How'd that sit with him?"

"Who the hell cares? Calvin, I want this to stop. Either you don't kill him or you let me out of the car."

"Or I can knock you out again until we get to Fayetteville. How about that?"

I didn't bother to ask if he'd really do that. Of course he would. He'd do everything in his power to prevent me from being culpable, but he was going to have things his way.

I looked back over my shoulder and thought about Marshal Ayers and Tim Shepard. Where we were going, neither one of them was going to be able to swing in and rescue me.


	5. Chapter 5

SE Hinton owns it.

**Your Cover's Blown**

Five-

"I think I'll take you up on that breakfast," I said to Calvin, although I wasn't really hungry. I could see city lights ahead- the first glimpse of Fayetteville in the distance. I'd never been there before and had no idea where I'd run to if I could get away. Still, I was working it over in my head. I needed to get out of the car, get a look at the license plate, and then pass that on to someone…

Calvin seemed to guess what I was thinking.

He said, "If we can't find a drive-through, you and I are both getting out of the car. We go in together, we leave together. You ain't getting out of my sight."

"Fun," I said. "It'll be just like when I was in grade school minus the guy in the trunk."

He grinned. "Kinda like that."

So, now I had that to turn over and over in my head: if we went in to a restaurant, how could I pass a message to a waitress? Would Calvin even let me use the restroom?

"I have to pee," I said. "You going to follow me in there?"

"No, but you'll be leaving your purse."

"Christ, have you done this before? You sound like you're pretty goddamned good at it."

"Watch your mouth," was all he said.

He pulled into the first greasy spoon on the outskirts of town. We got out of the car. When I hovered and looked towards the trunk, Calvin rolled his eyes. He stepped towards the back of the car and pounded on the trunk lid. There was a pause and then a soft tap from the inside.

Cal shrugged at me and said, "Happy?"

"Elated."

"Cool. Let's eat."

He walked behind me into the restaurant. We got a booth and I asked again about the restroom. He told me to wait until after we order so that he could see if anyone went in or out. He wanted to be sure I was in there alone.

"And if someone comes in, you come straight back out, kid. You got me? If you're in there with anyone for more than a minute, I'll walk ride outside and pop him."

I nodded, clutching my purse in my lap. The waitress came and took our orders. I ordered coffee and a piece of pie. Calvin got his customary egg sandwich. When the waitress departed, he reached over the table for my purse.

"Not a word," he said.

I handed him my purse and slid out of the booth.

The restroom was empty. I used the bathroom and went through the motions of washing my hands and primping my hair. Then I took the lipstick that I'd snuck from my purse out of my sleeve and wrote on the mirror:

_Help! Call Agent Ayers. Kathy and Calvin are in Fayetteville._

I wrote Ayer's number beneath it and threw the lipstick in the trash. I went back out in to the restaurant to find my coffee waiting.

* * *

The United States Marshals service had put Calvin and Janine up together in an efficiency apartment above a grocery store near downtown Fayetteville. The first person Janine called for a visit, when she got downstairs to the payphone on the street, was Katrina Lloyd. Katrina practically lived there now, Calvin told me, although she disappeared for days at a time. She was in tough shape, he said.

"Where's Rosie?" I asked.

"Back in Tulsa," he told me. "With Jeannie's mom."

"Is that a good place for her?"

"Are you Child Welfare? Christ, Kathy. It's probably a better place than here. Those two…well, you know Janine. She stayed clean for a whopping forty-eight hours maybe and then went right back to it when we found Katrina."

"What about you?"

"I don't do that shit."

"Well, that's something, ain't it?"

He snorted and shook his head at me. He pulled the car over to the curb in front of the grocery story he'd described to me. He pointed his cigarette up towards the second story.

"Home sweet home," he said.

"What am I doing here, Cal?"

"I'm proving a point. You say it makes you an accessory. I prefer to think of it as a growth experience. It'll be an eye-opener. I want you to get back on your own side of the fence, Kit-Kat. If I got to kill your boyfriend in front of you to show you that's where you belong, so be it."

"You don't have to kill my- anybody- at all. Calvin, witness protection does not make you untouchable."

"No one said it did. I know the score, Kathy. If you and Rice knew Katrina was alive, then the Marshals weren't far behind. When they hauled Carter in- shit, no love lost between him and me. He'd give me up. I'm going back to prison, Kath, one way or another, but you- you're going to college."

I dropped my head in to my hands.

"I'll stay away from Julian. I don't need you to get rid of him for me."

"Can't make him promise that, though, can I? It's the only way to be sure."

"No, it isn't," I moaned, but Calvin wasn't listening. He'd stopped the car and turned the key off in the ignition. He motioned for me to get out. Once on the sidewalk, I asked him, "You just going to pop the trunk and let Julian out here?"

He shook his head. "Of course not. I'ma pull into the alley. You head on up. Apartment C. Me and Jules'll meet you at the end of the hall. You'd better be there."

I nodded, although I began to wonder then what difference did it make if Calvin intended to kill Julian anyway. Maybe, I thought, there was still a chance if he was keeping such a careful eye on me. Or maybe, I wondered, it was possible that he intended to kill me too. I climbed the stairs and tried to imagine if my brother had that in him. I reached the door to Apartment C before I came to a conclusion. The window at the end of the hall slid open and Julian stumbled in ahead of my brother.

"Holy shit, Kathy," he said, still blinking hard as he pulled himself to his feet. "You alright?"

"I've been better," I said.

"Where the hell are we?"

"Fayetteville."

"What the hell…?" he began, but Calvin cut him off.

"Because there's someone here I want you to see, Rice, since you're so goddamned tenacious. You win. You win the big prize."

Julian looked back at Calvin with disbelief. He turned towards me again, tentatively reaching out to me.

"You told me you were going to kill him," I said.

"Shit, I said that out loud?" He half-smiled. "That was some fierce shit they slipped us. Did you set me up? Or did he?"

"He did. I have nothing to do with this."

Julian nodded slowly. Calvin gave him a shove and then pushed past him to pound on the apartment door.

"They didn't give you a key?" I asked him.

"Jeannie has it."

I rolled my eyes. When there was no answer at the door, Calvin pounded again and shouted, "Jeannie! Janine!"

"Is my sister here?" Julian asked. He was looking down at the floor. All of the sudden, he wasn't so eager to see her.

"If she is, she'd better answer the damned door," Calvin grumbled. He pounded again. Still, no answer from within.

I asked, "What if she ain't?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, what if neither of them are here, Cal? You think of that? Were you all on playful terms when you took off back to Tulsa to kill Katrina's brother? Or is it possible that they bailed as soon as soon as you left?"

"Fuck," Calvin muttered. He pounded one more time and then tried the door knob. It turned in his hand.

"Nice of her," I said. "Since she has the key."

I reached past Calvin and pushed the door open. The bed was unmade and the small closet door was open. The closet was empty.

I caught myself smiling. The girls had outwitted him._ I'd_ wanted to be the girl who turned the tables on all of them, but this would do. My moment of amusement ended with the sound of a click behind me.

What happened next would shape me for years to come. It wasn't the violence itself or me witnessing it. It was looking back and forth between Calvin and Julian and thinking to myself that they didn't look like killers. One was just my brother, and the other was a cute guy who walked me to the bus. I'd never know it to look at them, and if I couldn't tell by looking, then how was I supposed to know? For a long time after that, I just stopped wanting to know anyone.

I turned around and Calvin had pulled on Julian. I should've known Calvin had a gun. When did he _not_ have a gun? Julian had his hands raised, but there was something mocking about it- more of a dare than a surrender. He was smirking at my brother.

"Go ahead," he said, shrugging a little. "If it'll make you happy and all. You ain't going to get _my_ sister, from the looks of it. That's good enough for me."

"Calvin, no. Come on," I whispered.

My mind raced. Cal and I didn't share the same kind of logic. I could babble on about laws being broken until the sun went down on Fayetteville, it wasn't going to matter to him. This was about honor, and shame, and frustration, and twenty-two months lost in prison because he'd cleaned out a car.

"Kathy, you just don't understand," Calvin said.

He was half-right. I understood, but I still thought he was wrong. I took a step towards him and reached out.

"Holy fuck, what are you doing?"

"Just don't," I said. "Let's go home. We'll leave him here. We'll drive back to Tulsa, and turn you over to the Marshals again. They'll find you another place. You'll be stowed away before he can find his way back. He'll leave me alone…"

"Kathy, go home," my brother said.

I shook my head.

"What do I have to do?" Calvin said. He took a step back and pointed the gun at me. "Will you go now, or do I got to say 'please'?"

His eyes said it, for just an instant. He let down his guard and acted like my big brother, albeit a big brother with a nine mill pointed at my nose. In that instant, Julian moved. He was tall enough and fast enough to clear the space between him and Calvin before Cal could react. Julian palmed the gun, turned it in his hand and fired before Calvin could blink or I could scream for him to stop.

Calvin pitched forward, clutching his throat. Julian had aimed high, missed the heart, but hit the artery. The spray of blood was cartoonish. Calvin stumbled forward and swiped at Julian, knocking the gun out of his hand. It hit the floor and spun towards me. Without thinking, I snatched it up and pointed it at Julian as my brother sank to the floor.

"Kathy, come on," Julian said. His eyes had softened. He wasn't taunting me like he had my brother. "Just leave it and go back to Tulsa. Take his car as far as the state line…"

My brother sputtered. His voice was a hoarse whisper, "don't, Kath. Your prints are on the gun. He'll put it on you…"

"The fuck I would." Julian was incredulous. He stepped forward and kicked Calvin's shoulder to shut him up.

The blood from Calvin's carotid artery spurted from the kick. It sprayed across my shoes and startled me. Julian took the opportunity to move towards me, and I pulled the trigger.

Julian went down and sucked in a breath. I stood there staring, waiting for him to do it again. He didn't though. He just lay there, silent, staring past my shoulder.

Calvin wheezed and tugged at the toe of my shoe. I looked down. I was standing in a spreading pool of his blood now. His face was white as a sheet, dotted with blood. His pupils nearly filled his brown eyes.

He wiggled his fingers at me.

"Wipe it off," he whispered. "Wipe it off and give it to me."

I did what he told me. I knelt down next to me and he took the gun in his hand.

"I wrote a message on the mirror in the restaurant," I told him. "I did it with lipstick. Ayers will know I was here."

Calvin shook his head. "I peached out, then. Tell them that- I cut you loose when we found Katrina and Jeannie gone. You were gone when Julian shot me and I shot him. You were never here."

I looked down at the floor.

"My shoes…"

Calvin grinned. "Do I have to do everything? Step out of them, and then pick them up. See if Janine left a pair in that closet…or the bed…Toss yours in a dumpster. Go on, now."

I nodded. I never told him I loved him. Maybe the final act of finally doing things his way was enough. For once, I did what I was told. He had to appreciate that. I tell myself that, even today.

I stepped out of my shoes and over my brother's body. There were no shoes in the closet, but there was a pair of soft-soled slippers underneath the bed. I put them on and then took a pillowcase to carry my bloody shoes in. I wrapped them so they wouldn't drip and turned back to say something to my brother.

But he was gone.

I went out in to the hall and took the window out on to the fire escape. I dropped my shoes into the dumpster, and then walked quickly down the street away from the sound of oncoming sirens.


	6. Chapter 6

SE Hinton owns Kathy and The Outsiders.

**Your Cover's Blown**

_You resign yourself to keep on growing_

_Like the seeds you're sowing_

_You're a strange apparition _

_In this land of grammar schools_

Six (more of an epilogue, really)-

I didn't hear from any of them after that, and I didn't go looking. I guess that's what happens when you go on a date with one of Tim Shepard's boys and only one of you comes back.

Agent Ayers picked me up at the diner on the edge of Fayetteville. He seemed suspicious that my call to him came after the call from the Fayetteville Police department telling him they'd found Cal and Julian's bodies. He seemed suspicious of my footwear, too, but he didn't prod. I figured he saw it much the way my brother had- the situation had solved itself.

I had to testify against Carter Burr right before Christmas. That situation didn't solve itself. Without Janine and Katrina, there was still no kidnapping of Janine and Katrina to charge him with. He got eighteen months for kidnapping me. I got a promise from Ayers that, upon his release, Carter would be on the first air transport to Vietnam.

Tim Shepard couldn't be sent to Vietnam. There was nothing to charge him with and his hip never healed quite right. They offered him a deal to stay out of Buck's racket, but I didn't know about that until months later because we stayed clear of one another and Curly spent Christmas in the reformatory on something unrelated.

My father and I buried Calvin for real, and then I went to college.

I walked on to the Tulsa Tech campus in January, wearing the boots I'd bought back in the fall with my take of the drug money. They made me look tough, I thought, and I needed them for that because I sure didn't feel it.

My first class was Composition at nine in the morning. The classroom didn't look all that different than high school. Maybe the room was brighter. The student body was integrated. I could sit anywhere I wanted. I took a chair in the middle, hoping to disappear there.

It didn't work. I was spotted immediately.

I felt someone slide into the chair behind me, but I didn't turn around. Then he kicked my chair hard enough to turn it slightly at an angle.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Hey, little girl, are you sure you're in the right place? 'Cause this is a class for legitimate writers. They ain't going to take kindly with your manner of work here."

"Like you know how to write," I said and crossed my arms across my chest.

Tim Shepard leaned forward in his chair until we were almost nose to nose. I could smell the Burmashave and whatever it was that he liked to drink out a jam jar.

"You got me, Reilly. Never so much as put a sentence on paper by myself in my life. Got through high school on my charm and good looks, if you'll believe that. Had girls lining up to do my homework for me."

"Did you? And what were you promising them in return?"

He winked. "Just the pleasure of my company. That's all. That going to be enough for you?"

"To do your homework? Not nearly." I grinned at him, and he leaned back in his seat. I thought to say that he was going to have to try that line on some other unsuspecting girl, but I caught myself. It made me feel strange and insecure to think of it, and I didn't want to encourage him to look for other girls.

"So, this was the deal?" I asked him. "Between you and the Marshal's? They couldn't send you to 'Nam, and you didn't want to take Julian's place, so they made you go to school? That's pretty funny."

"What's funny about it? You can see why I wouldn't want to be taking Rice's place, can't you?"

He furrowed his brow and gave me a funny look, like he was waiting for me to give something away. When I didn't, he shrugged and said:

"I just figure sticking around town's the best way to look after _my_ little sister, you know?"

"And your little brother?"

Tim shook his head. "Nah, fuck him. He's a lost cause."

At the front of the room, the instructor cleared his throat. Tim nodded towards him and motioned for me to turn my desk around, as though I was the one holding up the beginning of class. I rolled my eyes at him and turned around.

I was bored after three minutes. I'd read half the books in the syllabus. The Comp. instructor seemed to have been inspired by the censorship efforts of the Tulsa Public School District, just as I had. What that meant was that I was way ahead of him.

I could feel Tim settling in behind me. He propped his feet on the book rack below my desk and leafed through his syllabus. Then he began rifling through his books. I could hear him read the opening passages of "Howl" under his breath. It sounded good in his voice. He sounded like he knew when he read it.

He trailed off at the part about radiant cool eyes hallucinating Arkansas. I felt him lean forward again.

"Sorry about your brother," he whispered to me.

I don't think he really was. I think he was trying to provoke a reaction, and it worked. He got me to come out for a drink that evening after classes were finished. Before class was even out, he once again got me thinking and then got me to writing it down.

The End.


End file.
